We wish you a merry christmas

December 29, 2011

Another Christmas season is on it’s way out.  As always, it didn’t really feel like Christmas much leading up to the holidays.  Once the kids are older, it’s really not the same.  But you know what, I’m kind of liking it.  This year I had all the kids for a short period of time on Christmas day.  That is a rare occurrence when the kids have multiple families and after they get married.  We decided on a big brunch Christmas morning and everyone arrived around the same time to sit down to a huge meal together.  It was nice.  We listened to stories of some funny Christmas traditions.  There were a few “remember when so-and-so snuck out her bedroom window with a knapsack full of beer or was it her sister who took the suitcase to the park with beer in it?”  My son-in-law filled us in on a family tradition that they used to pull when they were teenagers.  They would each take turns getting up early (3 am early) and hide the younger sibling’s presents so that when they all got up to open presents in the morning, it would seem like Santa had not brought any for the one child.  Apparently his older brother did it to him and he in turn did it to his younger sister.

There was traveling amidst the first snow storm of the year (thank you everyone that PRAYED for snow on Christmas day… ) but at the end of the day, it was all about family and spending time together and connecting.  You drag your kids from one relative’s house to the next when they’re little and they moan and groan and typically just want to be home with their toys.  Now I see my oldest child understanding the importance of these types of traditions and connections and also see how she encourages it with the younger ones.

Soon there will be a little child in the house on Christmas morning again since my oldest is pregnant with her first baby and all the hustle and bustle and excitement will be back.  In the meantime, I’m really glad I had a chance to experience a quieter and more laid back Christmas where the focus was on good food, good wine (thank you sister) and good company.  May I always be so lucky.  I hope whoever is reading is able to enjoy the same and know that all the times you make them participate in the dreaded family events, it really does pay off in the end.

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Too cool for school

December 19, 2011

Sometimes kids struggle but not always for the most obvious reasons. I’ve had one or possibly two kids that have stayed with me that have found the experience very difficult but not because they weren’t doing well but because of well they started to do.

One of the girl children is the most recent example but I’ve also had a nephew stay with me who had a similar experience.

This girl is one cool kid. She has lots of piercings, dresses in some of the coolest and latest styles, changes her hair color as frequently as some people change jewelry.  She’s very pretty, she’s very smart but she has spent years thinking of herself as a certain type of kid.  Possible drug issues aside, this kid learned at a very early age to identify with kids who are not your typical ‘cookie cutter’ stereotypical teenagers.  She despises doing what everyone else does and likes to be unique and an individual and out there a little bit.  Doesn’t sound so bad necessarily but here’s the problem – her image of herself is wrapped up around being a “messed up” kid and there is a lot of investment in that.  I have no problems with being messed up – hell, we all go through our own stuff at different times in our lives and very few people get through this world without something messing them up a little bit – but when it interferes with achieving what you want to achieve in life or getting to where you need to be, well, that’s when it can become a problem.

Some teenagers that grow up focused on being these bad-ass kids who don’t fit into the mainstream, when they start doing well – they run! Literally and figuratively.  That’s what this girl did.  There’s lots of reasons why this particular kid has run back to her mom’s and this is only one piece of it but it’s an important piece.  For some kids, there is so much fear in who they think they will become or who they think they are turning into, they just can’t take it.  It’s too much, it’s too overwhelming, it’s too filled with anxiety – there’s too much fear.  They desperately run back to what is known and therefore comfortable.

Girl-child had started to do well and you could actually see the difference in her eyes.  It scared her half to death.  She ran back to her mom’s place and promptly dropped out of school (with her mom’s blessing).  I’ve made her come by and visit for an overnight here or there and you can see that she’s back in a very dark place she was a few years ago.  Before she moved out we had a meeting with her therapist to talk about what she was doing and why.  She was very clear, she felt she needed to go back to her mom’s to become who she was before and that she couldn’t handle who she was turning into.  Whatever she needs to deal with before she moves forward in life, I hope she figures it out soon.

 

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All the better to see you with

December 15, 2011 2 Comments

I think I’ve already mentioned this but for the most part, boy-child is a pretty good kid.  He’s smart too (like his momma!) and does very well in his chosen career path. (well, he’s still in school but he’s doing very well with that). Anyway, for a smart boy, he can be pretty stupid sometimes too.

Every summer, boy-child goes and gets his eyes checked.  He has to in order to update his prescription for contacts and glasses.  That’s probably a good thing or I doubt he would bother to get them checked all that often.

Last year (I think), boy-child came back from one of his appointments and informs me that they found something at his checkup and they’re going to send the picture off to a specialist place in the big city and see what they think. Apparently, there was some bleeding behind the retina but boy-child is a big weight-lifter type of guy and he said the eye doctor said it could be from something like that.  No big deal.  They send the photos off and sure enough, the specialist place says ‘send him in’.  He goes on the wait list since it’s not urgent and he has an appointment in about two months in another city.  No big deal because it happens to be the city that boy is going to school in.

Appointment time comes up and I dutifully remind boy about the appointment and then call all day and night after the appointment to find out how it went.  Boy-child wasn’t answering his phone!!  Now, he doesn’t answer his phone when he’s in school so it only alarmed me a little bit but I was concerned enough that I purposely called early enough to wake him up the next morning and he said the appointment was fine, he was fine, it was all nothing.  Something was definitely not right but I just couldn’t figure out what it was.

I’m sure something like this only happens in small towns but about a week later I get a call from the eye doctor place so that the assistant there can tell me that my boy never went to his appointment.  This assistant happens to live a block and a half from my house and her boy and my boy grew up together and were great friends for years.  Not only did he not go to the appointment, things might be much more serious than he portrayed at first.  Not only was there bleeding behind the retina, his optic nerve appeared swollen and inflamed (which of course I googled and was immediately freaked out by the possibilities… ).  After a flurry of calls back and forth between the eye places and myself, we managed to get an appointment for a few months away and this time I was bringing the boy myself.

In the end, it all turned out okay.  We went, saw the specialist; boy spent the day getting tested and retested and we hung out and waited.  After it was all done, specialist (a funny, funny lady), told him it was all my fault because his optic nerve was all sparkly and shiny like it should be for a young boy like him, it just had an odd shape to it that he likely inherited making it look like he had an inflamed nerve when he really didn’t. (always mom’s fault, isn’t it?)  Boy-child managed to get in an “I told you so” before I left town and drove the 4 hours home…

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