March 26, 2012 4 Comments
I’ve worked with a lot of teenagers over the years and there are times when you do what you can and just hope some of the good stuff ‘sticks’ at some point when they’re old enough to get over themselves.
Still, there are some kids you just can’t work with. It’s not always the kids fault either. Sometimes, it’s their parents. The parents interfere or they sabotage or they get in the way or they actively make it worse.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the be-all and end-all in the parenting world. I’ve had my psycho-mommy moments just like everyone else. I’ve said things that were totally inappropriate and I wish had never come out of my mouth. I’ve acted in ways that were immature and irresponsible and have yelled and screamed my fool head off. There were a lot of positive influences (other than just me) that led to my kids turning out so good. I worked at it, but I wasn’t the only one and that makes a big difference.
After step-daughter’s fight at school, the VP called me to touch base. She knew that buddy lived with me and she knew that step-daughter had lived with me for awhile but had moved out. She wanted to make sure that someone knew what was going on and that everyone was very worried about step-daughter because she was just out of control.
I figured the responsible thing to do would be to call her mom and let her mom know. Of course, by the time I try calling mom, I know step-daughter has probably already sent her a text since she had been kicked off the school property so she would have had to go somewhere else. No answer at mom’s home (even though step-dad is at home because he is currently unemployed), no answer at mom’s cell, no answer to my text. So, I send her a message via text and say, can you let me know when a good time to call is because there is some stuff that happened today that you need to know.
I call her dad. Give him the most basic of information and he thanks me and says he’ll connect with her mom.
About 4 hours later I get a text back from mom saying that dad called her at work, she was working until 9. I send her back a text and say I’ll call her later.
I call later. No one answers the phone and the answering machine isn’t picking up. No one answers the cell phone. No one answers any texts.
I give up.
This is the norm for these parents. There are two things that frustrate me beyond belief. One is the ability of both parents to avoid and pretend and hide their heads in the sand. The second is the resentment and the anger that I’m involved in their child’s life and their attempts to make sure that I stay out of their kid’s life whenever it means I’m going to say something they don’t want to hear. I’m not making this shit up! I’m not out to get your kid! I’m not trying to create drama or lying or ‘picking sides’ or trying to blame you. Sometimes your kids lie to you and try to make the other adult look like they’re mean or out to get them to save their little butts from getting in trouble. I don’t like hearing some feedback from other parents either and sometimes I have to bite my tongue because I don’t appreciate it – but it doesn’t mean they’re out to get me or my kid and most times, I find out later there was more truth to what they were trying to tell me than I was willing to admit at the time.
I’m just trying to do the right thing for someone who has been my step-daughter since she was little.
Three days later, step-dad takes my call and he is rude and antagonistic and accusing. Three days!! All I’m trying to do is relay information because they don’t seem to realize they can’t send this kid on the school bus the next day without her getting charged with trespassing. I shouldn’t care really. She’s not my responsibility anymore but I just feel like I need to do the right thing and make sure the adults know and then they can do what they want with the information, including ignoring it. I was so angry when I got off that phone! What a waste of time.