The first goodbye

August 30, 2012 2 Comments

School starts next week for buddy-child and she has a pretty easy year.  She officially graduated but had the option to remain an extra year for extra credits.  She doesn’t need the credits but I don’t think she would have been completely ready to move away for University yet.  She has pretty much caught up to her age-mates in terms of development and maturity but having the extra year as a ‘kid’ still will likely be good for her.

It turns out only two of her friends were ready to officially leave home and are moving tomorrow to their new digs in residence to start college.  The rest of the crew of folks that she mostly hangs around with are still here.  A lot of kids don’t even know what they want to do yet so they’re just not in any hurry.

This is one of those transitional times when friends and peer groups change.  Buddy has had mostly the same peer group throughout high school but over the past year in particular, as she has continued to grow up and move on from her former life, she has also continued to drift away from many members of that peer group.  A lot of those kids come from unstable homes and are struggling with a variety of issues.  That is where she had fit before.  It’s not necessarily where she fits now.

These two friends leaving for school had a big overnight – sleepover party as a goodbye event.  They told buddy child about it after she had said yes to a camping trip with another friend and friend’s family.  She didn’t feel comfortable ditching her friend even though she did want the chance to say goodbye.  She suggested they get together when she get back but that just wasn’t going to cut it.  The two friends “unfriended” her on facebook (apparently, that’s how you know what your relationship status is with everyone these days) and then started tweeting not nice things.  Buddy was somewhat taken back but not heartbroken.  She realizes that they have nothing in common anymore and that they will likely not ever see each other again.

The reaction by these two girls was definitely out of proportion to the situation but this is somewhat common for some kids who have relationship issues and it’s time to say goodbye.  Rather than be able to deal with the emotions (which can be pretty foreign and overwhelming) some kids just burn their bridges and create fights without really being aware that this is what they are doing.  In some ways, for many kids, it is easier to leave angry or on bad terms with someone than it is to leave people and feel badly and sad and lonely for them.  It’s not really easier in the long run and it’s not necessarily healthy but for kids that are freaked out by healthy relationships, it’s often times the only way they know how.

So buddy blocked the two so that she wouldn’t be ready anymore nasty stuff and is more focused on what she’s going to wear the first day (and what nail polish to go with it… ).

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Play It Like A Rockstar

August 27, 2012 2 Comments

A little over 5 years ago, I started something called ‘Play It Like A Rockstar’.  This came about as a result of a music school I started quite a number of years ago.  Teachers were hand picked based on their ability to teach “outside the box” as they would call it today as well as their skill level and patience.  The whole theory behind it was that it shouldn’t take 9 years to get beyond ‘twinkle, twinkle little star’ for most instruments and that music should be affordable, accessible and fun.  If a student wanted to learn how to read music, great.  If they wanted to learn theory – even better.  If they came to us and just wanted to pound out a few three chord wonders to play around the campfire, well, we were going to do that too.  Almost all of our under 12 year old boys left the first lesson working on an AC/DC riff that was totally appropriate for a first lesson.  Needless to say, we did a booming business in guitar and drums and have primarily teenager and adult students.

I was always stuck on how to have a recital of sorts and couldn’t quite figure out how to do something different and fun and unique.  One night, I turned on a reality television show about finding a new singer or guitar player or something for a relatively well-known band and it dawned on me that we could do the same thing with our students.  We went ahead and put together a house band of professional, adult musicians and told the kids that whoever wanted to do it had to sign up at the start of summer and they would get up on the big stage with the house band and play their song at the end of summer at a free concert we would put on.

It is such a great success.

Everyone contributed their time and skill for free.  That meant a handful of rock star musicians spent the summer learning whatever songs the kids picked and sometimes it was a stretch for these guys but they did it.  The very first show on our first year we raised the curtain with me singing “We Will Rock You” by Queen.  The drummer that night was a former student turned teacher (still a teenager) who is now a young adult and on tour across North America with an up and coming band and a sponsorship deal.

That kid is seriously talented.

Our 5th annual show was last night.  There is nothing quite so cute (trust me) as seeing an 8 year old girl or boy standing up on stage surrounded by speakers and amplifiers and racks of lights flickering through the fog and the haze.  This child is usually clutching their guitar neck with all their might like it will somehow save their life.  Towering beside this little wonder is a 6 foot plus bass player who has been known to offer fist bumps to all the kids as they are leaving the stage at the end of their song to show support and encouragement.

Let me tell you, it takes guts to get up there and put yourself on display like that for others to judge.  It looks like fun and there are many times when it actually is fun but it is terrifying for most people.  For these kids, it takes a huge leap of faith in their fellow musicians and especially in themselves to do this.  Some of these kids are the ones that look like they might be easy targets at school.  Maybe a little overweight; maybe not the “right” clothes; maybe a little bit of a misfit.  None of that matters when your pounding on the drums or strumming for all your might or picking out some – or all – of a lead solo while others stare up at you from their seats.  These kids have had a chance to learn more about themselves than they realize at this point.  They get the chance to see something through from start to finish.  It doesn’t work if the kids don’t practice on their own time.  We have had some kids who have had to withdraw but that is few and far between.  They need to learn to motivate themselves and they also have to learn how to overcome some pretty big fears, how to trust themselves and how to trust others.

All in the name of Rock music.

I realize that this is a lengthy post for me but there is one kid in particular that stands out above them all.  This young lad played his last show with us last night because he is going into grade 12, will be graduating next year and likely moving on for school.  This young lad has cerebral palsy.  (I hope I spelled that right).  Ever since he was young, he wanted to play the guitar but he only has use of one hand.  Everyone kept telling him that there simply was no way for him to do this and reason would dictate that to be true.  His parents tried other instruments but it was guitar his heart was set on.  One day, in frustration, his dad came to us and asked if there was any way someone could teach him something on the guitar.  I asked our main guitar teacher who is not only a phenomenal player but an exceptional teacher.  He said “Sure”.

He actually taught this kid how to play the guitar – and how to play it very well.  It is amazing.  They figured out how to use his one good hand to play rhythm and lead by utilizing different techniques along the neck and body.  His other hand is used as a prop to help keep the guitar stable on his lap.  This kid can play guitar better than most two handed folks.  It’s not magical talent, it is sheer determination and hard work and perseverance and above all, the belief that he could do it.  I’m so proud of this kid, I can’t even imagine how his parents must feel.  They have done a phenomenal job with him and it shows.

I can’t wait to see who signs up next year!

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Year of the bad hair day

August 23, 2012 2 Comments

A friend of mine and I have commented repeatedly that it seems there is something about the age 13 and girls that just don’t go well together.  I realize this is a generalization but they seem to be moody and difficult and stressed out and highly reactive to everything.  My oldest became a lunatic at that age ( no really, she did).  Middle girl-child was always crazy so, you know, not much changed.  Step-daughter became dark and scary and cut off her long beautiful hair into a mohawk and I think that’s the year she started screaming at her mom everyday.

My buddy had two girls and they became door-slammers and stompers and “I hate you’s” at about that age.  Well, this same friend took her grandkids on an extended camping trip, the oldest being a 13 year old girl.  They have the absolutely best relationship with this girl.  She visits the grandparents all the time, has sleepovers, texts them everyday, they hang out and do cool stuff together.  But you know, she just turned 13 recently and wouldn’t you know, she magically turned into this psycho-crazy, hormonal lunatic overnight, while on their trip.

2 other younger grandkids came on this trip so this girl was often the helper, which she likes to do.  She helped set up things, tear down things, was the co-pilot – some of the jobs were big jobs too.  All’s fine and they’re traveling along fine and her poppa asks her to look out the window and see if he has enough room to get past the post.  She snaps her head around and starts;

“I don’t know why you have to ask me to do everything!  I hate this stupid trip.  I don’t want to be here!  I didn’t want to come along!  I’m sick of this!  Take me home NOW poppa!!”  Screaming every word.

The other two grandkids are frozen, eyes wide open.  To them, their beloved sister / cousin has suddenly turned into a frothing, raving, alien.  Her poppa, having dealt with this many times before simply smiled and said very sweetly, “Now E, it would take us over 20 hours to get home if we left right now and there just isn’t enough hours in the day left”.

You could hear her brain snapping from across the trailer by that point.

Needless to say, grandma (who has way less patience than poppa and way less tolerance) shut things down really quickly.

Granddaughter threw herself on her bed area in a huff, had a nap and awoke a normal, smiling, sunshiney child once again.  Good luck to her momma, her year has just begun!

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