You give love a bad name
September 10, 2012 4 Comments
Sometimes my kids laugh at me and say my job makes me worry about things I shouldn’t worry about. That may be true but maybe, just maybe, there ARE things that should concern them more.
Remember buddy’s ex-boyfriend? The one that dumped her right before prom? I mentioned more than once that I didn’t particularly like the way he treated her. There were elements of his behaviour that were controlling and condescending and somewhat selfish / self-centered. Those are small warning signs that someone could potentially become an abusive partner somewhere along the way. Now obviously, one trait by itself is no big deal necessarily but it’s when they all start to add up that it can become a big problem.
Since the breakup this particular ‘ex’ has continued to text and email buddy. It seems to happen about every two or three weeks or so. Some of it is petty, childish drivel and some of it is “we should get back together” pleas. Most of it is centered around getting back together, giving him another chance and other variations.
Here’s the thing. She has told him in no uncertain terms (she’s been really clear and to the point) that she does not want him contacting her anymore. She reminded him, more than once, that he broke up with her and that it is over and she has no plans on ever seeing him again. She has deleted him on facebook and twitter and whatever else there is and blocked all the things connected to social media.
And yet, he still keeps texting her. In fact, he texted her again this past weekend.
He knows she has a new boyfriend by the way, but none of that seems to deter him.
This is concerning behaviour and it’s not okay. The fact that he continues to disregard her requests for him to leave her alone and does what he wants and is trying to somehow make her get back together with him are also, all elements of an abusive relationship. Luckily she realizes that this is not romantic in any way shape or form (some people misconstrue this type of behaviour for that).
We are at the point that if he persists, we will need to involve the police. I’m concerned that his next step will be to come by the house to try to convince her in person. That never ends well for anyone. So, a little safety planning of our own (luckily I happen to know a bit about that); you know, just in case. Hopefully he’ll get the message this time and leave well enough alone.
Ugh…as a Mother to teens I so feel your pain. My daughter is younger but your post hits home all the same. You have so much reason to be proud in adiiton to concerned. The concern reaons are obvious…the pride you must feel in how she is conducting herself is something I hope to know in my own girl. Far too many young women fall right back into unhealthy relationships at that age. She obviously has maturity and self-respect beyond her years. Good for you.
Thanks. It’s a lot of work to help these kids get to where you want them to be and often, it’s a different kind of ‘work’ than people realize going into these years. It is absolutely worth it though when you get to see them make good decisions based on their own best interests and understanding why they are making the decisions that they do.
Yikes. You are certainly the right person to put protection in place on that subject, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.
Me too. I’m hoping he leaves her alone now but if he doesn’t, I do happen to know a friendly neighbourhood police officer who would be more than happy to swing by and have a little ‘chat’ with the boy.