October 29, 2012 2 Comments
Picked up step-daughter and went out to visit oldest girl-child and grand-baby. It was our first chance to spend time together since she’s moved and my first chance to see her apartment.
I’ve got to say, I wasn’t really expecting much because the street she lives on is pretty much where you live when you have no money or are into “stuff” but my heart kind of sank when I saw the place. It was filthy and pretty much trashed. There’s holes in the walls and crap everywhere. I doubt there was a clean dish in the house since the kitchen was littered with dirty dishes and bits of dried up food stuff.
And then I saw her bedroom and there were bongs everywhere and the place reeked of pot.
Step-daughter had quit smoking dope before she moved in and now she’s back to smoking up everyday.
It really struck me the differences between the two girls. They have different life experiences but pretty much were in the same place when they both moved in and now they’re so far apart, they’re not even on the same planet. Buddy-child is pretty much on the typically teenager path of getting her license, applying for post-secondary school, hanging with her boyfriend and going to the occasional party. Step-daughter works nights, smokes up when she gets home from work, smokes up when she gets up and pretty much has checked back out of life again.
The good news is that step-daughter and I had a good two hours to talk about what was happening with her life and the choices she was making versus where she wanted to be. It was a good chunk of time to talk.
A while back, I suggested to step-daughter that she start reading the blog I want a dumpster baby since the author had a lot of posts that were like snippets into the mind of step-daughter. Much to my surprise she’s been actually reading (yay!!). This gave us a chance to get into some really serious conversations about what she was doing and where it was leading her. One of the great things about her reading that blog is that she was able to talk about how she is coming to learn that she needs to do it herself and do the work herself. Sometimes the messages need to come from someone else because the kids just get so used to hearing us tell them all the time. By the time we returned to town she was committed and excited to give up the drugs again and get back on track. She’s still in therapy and not ready to give up yet.
We’ll see what she does. She has done it once so I know she can do it again but whether she has the motivation to work that hard or not – I guess we’ll see. I wish her luck because she still has so far to go.