November 29, 2012 1 Comment
Not that long ago, a friend of buddy-child’s took in another friend that decided to leave an abusive home situation. The teenage girl leaving home had been dealing with an emotionally abusive mom who was cruel, demanding, insulting, derogatory and put this girl in the caregiver role most of the time. She (teenager) had the opportunity to go to counseling and once she started, found the strength to make the break from her mom. The girl’s mom was furious when her child moved out. She was furious because she lost her caregiver; the person who did the dishes, cooked supper, watched the younger children and provided all the emotional support for her mom, all the while being told what a f-ing loser, slut, asshole (insert your favourite insult) she was.
This has been a tough transition. The teenage girl that left has to learn how to live life in a non-abusive household. She has to somehow repair herself from the damage that has been caused by the relationship with her mom and hope that it doesn’t permanently screw her up to the point that she messes up her own relationships whether it be with friends, colleagues, partners and / or future children.
Today an adult friend of mine posted a story about her mom and some very cruel things she had experienced (that would be classified as emotionally abusive in my world). Another friend posted about how guilty she was feeling over losing her patience with her mom whom she is the caregiver for and the relationship is also unhealthy and inappropriate. It was overwhelming and sad to see a handful of other adult women posting similar memories and situations and relationships with their moms.
I get parents make mistakes. I make mistakes. Even with all the knowledge and experience and history, I still screw up. Everyone does. There is a difference between screwing up once in a while and actively damaging your children because your life is focused on you and your needs must come first. Once you have kids, that “me first” need has to go and you don’t have the right to actively and purposefully damage another soul like that, just because you think you own them because they’re your child. Your needs don’t come first and if you can’t fathom that or deal with that, then don’t have kids.