February 7, 2013 2 Comments
Even though I’ve been away for a bit over a week, there seems to be lots to come back to. A few drama life changes for step-daughter, some typical parental struggle with a friend and a very worried buddy-child whose friend is not doing well.
I’m still trying to acclimatize (I’ve been in the Bahamas on a kayaking expedition trip and now I’m back in the land of the ice and snow… ), and I’m still trying to shift my brain from vacation mode to “work” mode but I don’t seem to be doing a very good job at the moment!
Recently I wrote a post about a former friend of buddy-child’s who has dropped out of college. She really wasn’t ready to go away to school but her mom is not a good person for her to be with and she was ultimately kicked out of her mom’s house just prior to graduation from high school. Personally, I think her mom was trying to sabotage her daughter’s ability to graduate and be successful and she almost did. This girl probably didn’t really pass all her courses because I don’t think she was getting the work completed but with a lot of extra help, she magically seemed to graduate anyways. I’m also guessing that the school officials knew this girl needed to get out of that house so bad that maybe going away would help her.
She wasn’t able to get it together. That happens sometimes. Some kids just aren’t ready – especially kids who run in the hopes that all the crappy things will magically be better once they leave and the issues will be gone. The issues aren’t necessarily gone, they’re just different and now they have an added layer of stress and pressure of needing to pass post-secondary or fear being seen (and feeling like) a failure. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone who is struggling before they even walk in the door.
This particular girl dropped out and came back. Recently she sent a message to buddy-child apologizing for her behaviour leading up to and while she was gone and took responsibility for being immature. It was a surprise move on this girl’s part but I’m proud of her. She seems to be learning some valuable lessons now that she’s back. I hope she finds employment in another city where she can get away from the abusive people in her family and start to save up to try school again when she is ready to face the challenge. For some people, they don’t and won’t face a single thing they should until they have no where else to run to and I think that some of what this girl is like.
Another good friend of buddy-child’s has gone a different route. She has also gone away to school and is trying very hard to prove herself. Her background and her life is not the best necessarily and she left determined to make it. Last night, in the middle of the night, a strange unknown fellow messaged buddy-child to say that her friend had a plan to kill herself this Friday when she returned home and could buddy please help them. No one knew her address or knew what to do about it. Weird, cryptic messages were ‘tweeted’ from this friend today that might not have made much sense if you didn’t know what her plan was. Buddy-child already had a friend commit suicide two years ago and it was a very difficult time for her. She did the right thing. She went to talk to someone who then took her to the police station to give a statement so that they could contact the police service in the city the friend was in. Last I heard, they had found the friend and she was speaking to a counselor. No one knows what happened at this point but I’m hopeful the counselor was able to talk this friend into either going to the hospital or agreeing to some ongoing help and support until things get better.
Kids look like adults and they present as adults but they’re really not. Many kids don’t make it that first year of college or university because their drive to go off and be independent and prove themselves is strong at the start but if there isn’t the coping mechanisms and a solid support system in place, it’s not always enough to carry them through. It’s easy to underestimate the pressure these kids put themselves under and the burden of being a failure if it doesn’t work. There are so many things kids should learn while they’re still kids and if they don’t get the chance, things don’t always work out the way they should later on in life.