March 18, 2013
March is the month of birthdays around here. Well, two important birthdays. Buddy-child and step-daughter both turned 19 a couple of weeks ago. Their birthdays are 5 days apart. It’s a big occasion in most of this country to turn 19 because that means you can drink legally and there’s usually some kind of celebration or another.
Buddy-child’s boyfriend took her out for a big fancy dinner where she had her first (legal) cocktail. She has no idea what she had other than it was pink. They came back here for cake where she blew out candles and opened presents. Overall I think it was a nice birthday. It’s probably not ever the same when you’re not with your ‘family’ but I guess we’re as much family as she’s ever had or likely to ever to get so that’s probably better than sitting somewhere by yourself.
Step-daughter had lots of plans that involved partying and drinking in bars. Her mom and one of her mom’s friends took her out to one of the local bars for a night of celebration. I know a lot of parents do that but there’s something weird about that when the relationship doesn’t have proper boundaries to start with. It just seems wrong somehow.
The more time that passes, the farther apart these two girls lives become.
Buddy got her third university acceptance (go buddy!) and this is to the school she really, really wants to go to. She’s excited and nervous and is ready to give her acceptance. I told her to sit on it for a week just to get past the scared “what do I do” feeling before committing herself. Her mind’s made up though. Everything she does right now gets her one step closer to her goals.
Step-daughter is still not working and she’s not looking for work much either. She’s committed to a life of drugs and drinking and not trying anymore. She knows she needs medication to help her at this point because her anxiety and fears and OCD is completely out of control but she can’t quite bring herself to go to make an appointment and go to the doctors. For a while she was on the fence and wanting a different life but now she’s turned away from it. It kind of breaks my heart most days. Everything she does keeps her from reaching her goals.
I wish I could make step-daughter come back and stay with me and somehow remove her bio-family from her life – just for a short while until she could get better but I know it will never happen. Sometimes being a parent kind of sucks.