I’m so glad we had this time together,

April 25, 2013

Just to have a laugh and sing a song…  Carol Burnett was one of my favourites growing up!  I laughed so much at the antics of the four of them.

I don’t really talk about myself much but for this post, I need to explain a few things.  About a year ago (almost exactly now), I woke up one day and noticed the world sounded very funny.  I thought maybe my car needed a new muffler because it sounded like the sound was going loud and quiet and everything was off.  Within two weeks, I was in layman’s terms, deaf.  For the hearing community I’m “late-deafened” and / or hard of hearing since my hearing is not stable and some days I can hear a little bit and other days, not at all.  I’m sure you can imagine the nightmare to be hearing one day (and a musician at that) and not the next and I’m not going to kid you, it really has been tough.  I have not picked up my guitars once.  Last year was an extremely difficult year for me on many levels and no longer being able to hear certainly didn’t make it easier.

Adjusting to a life of no sound requires adjustments you don’t think about as a normal hearing person.  For the first month or longer, I couldn’t sleep.  The reason I couldn’t sleep is because I knew that if a person broke into my home they could literally walk right up beside me while I was in bed, and I wouldn’t hear them.  That is not a normal thing I would think about under other circumstances but when things change like this, your world doesn’t feel safe at first.  That’s very unnerving.  Combined with the fact that you get used to house sounds in your sleep and your brain constantly processes those sounds and it doesn’t wake you up.  For the longest time, it was waking me up because when I did hear something, I couldn’t tell what it was because everything sounded different.  I have hearing aids but they only work so much because they can’t make you hear what you can’t hear (only amplify).

I also run an organization where I need to be able to hear people and I could end up unemployed if the government chose to no longer fund the programs we provide.  As such, I’ve gone back to school online because my qualifications are awesome for what I do but not awesome for finding a new job as a deaf person and unless I win a major lottery someday, I’m far from being able to retire.  I’m very, very lucky that my board of directors and my staff are so willing to make adjustments and compromise to keep me where I am.  So, I’m back in University part-time and I’m also driving to another city to learn speech reading (also known as lip reading) and when I get through both levels of that I’ll learn sign language next.

This is my long-winded way of saying, I am a busy soul.  I work over 50 hours a week in my regular job and now I’m coming home and doing a few hours of homework or driving to the next city over to attend classes.  To say I’m tired would be an understatement.  At first it never occurred to me that writing a blog two times a week would be a problem but I have to say, I found it tough.

This blog has been really good for me to work through issues of raising a couple of kids that are technically not my own.  I thank you for hanging with me while I work this stuff out and I hope I gave you cause to laugh or even things to think about.  I will keep my blog and keep it online and even occasionally post about the kids but it will be very occasional at this point.  As the last kid standing moves on this fall, maybe I’ll switch to a blog about being deaf or something silly and fun or maybe not at all.  I have no aspirations to be a writer on any level, I just appreciate the opportunity to work stuff out in my life in this way and I thank you for being with me on the journey.

 

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Living like a refugee

April 22, 2013

The one benefit of the crappy spring we’ve been having is that it’s still too miserable to give up on all indoor chores and get outside.  As such, buddy-child and I finally painted her bedroom this weekend.  It was fine before but my kids have always had the option to choose whatever color they want on their bedroom walls and decorate to their hearts desire themselves.  It’s led to some pretty interesting rooms over the years with some wild, dark, cave-like colors but hey, it’s their space and a for me, that’s a form of self-expression.  I’m also big on the fact that I don’t clean their bedrooms – their space – their jobs, ever since they were little.  Now I obviously helped them when they were small but you might be shocked at how early I actually left it up to them to clean (often with a pretty strict timeline and consequences and privileges attached or it would never have gotten done).

The thing with “re-parenting” an extra child is that you don’t just bring them home to teach them right from wrong (or in my case, they come through the front door, plant their foot on the “soil” in this house and yell the equivalent of refugee); you let them be kids on many levels.  That’s the only way it will work.  Focusing on rules and privileges and consequences are hugely important but so are all the little things like practicing driving around the block (god help me now), having friends over for all night movies, chips and sleepovers and letting kids pick the color on the bedroom wall.  It’s the little things that give that sense of security and trust that allows the kid now living with you to learn from the consequences and privileges and invest in themselves.

So pick buddy-child did.  Being the girly-girl that she is (and partly reliving some little girl pieces of herself that I think were possibly denied many years ago), buddy picks hot, neon pink.

What am I going to do?  Say no?  I’ve never said no to any of the other kids so it’s not exactly fair to say no to her now (even if she is leaving for University in a couple of months).  Maybe it’s a test?  Or maybe she’s laying claim to the room so that no one else gets it while she’s gone?  Or maybe she just likes pink.  Either way, her original goal was to paint it ALL bright neon pink – every single wall.  After some careful negotiations, we settled on a chalkboard wall, pink on either side of it and a light steel grey on the rest of the walls so that her pink and black furniture would have a chance to stand out!   We still have the trim to paint and then accessories to add but we can do that this weekend.

Lo and behold the wonder of a pink room;

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The chalkboard paint is actually really neat stuff.  Stinks but what a cool surface it leaves.  I’m conveniently blocking out all thoughts of what it will be like to paint over this stuff but I figure the chalkboard will stay regardless of what the room becomes after buddy is gone for good (in about two or three more years).

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I’m looking at you sam

April 11, 2013

I read a handful of interesting blogs on a regular basis and lately, the same theme has appeared a few times.  The issue of same-sex marriage and whether or not that will be something that is legalized in the U.S.  Being Canadian, it’s been a non-issue here for a long time (compared to other countries) so it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around this issue from the perspective of why is this still an issue anywhere?

We know way too much now to pretend that this is just a “choice” for people or to foolishly think that LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender and Questioning) individuals are the ruination of society or are going to corrupt our children or whatever other foolhardiness that people used to think.  I have strong thoughts on this and they aren’t necessarily pretty.  This is a waste of time and effort and money for everyone and is, quite frankly, a human rights issue and I am personally offended by and resent the idiots who are trying to use religion as their reasons for all the opposition and the hate.  What is the matter with you people?

One thing I will be clear on, you don’t need a traditional mom and dad to raise good kids.  Being raised by a same sex couple does not cause one iota of harm (other than the potential bullying from good religious folks who like to share their hate with the world).  There isn’t a single shred of evidence out there that supports that being raised in a same sex environment causing anything bad or harmful or anything at all.  Period.

One other thing that I will also be really clear on since this is about teenagers.  There is a disproportionately high suicide rate for LGBTQ teenagers.  The reason isn’t because of them, it’s because of you.  The way they are treated by their family, friends, neighbours, teachers and mentors is why those statistics are the way they are.  And that is not right at all.  We all know that you can’t make a person who is gay “turn straight” no matter what you think the magic cure is anymore than you can make a straight person “turn gay” so what exactly are you trying to do when you try to deny these kids the opportunities to grow up to be who they are (and ultimately, healthy, happy, contributing members of society).  I really don’t get it.

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